We all know what it is but none of us really like to admit to it. Identifying your thoughts as your anger increases is vital to long term anger control.
All quality anger management counselors or classes will get you to look at your thoughts as part of your program.
So I am going to list some of the most
common stinkin' thinkin' thoughts that are common in those with anger problems.
1.Blaming Others.
When you are convinced that everyone
else is responsible for you anger except you, you have a problem. If you blame others it means that you believe that if only they would change then you would not be
angry. Spouses of angry partners often come to believe that if only they changed then their partner would not be angry. This is false. The angry person who does not
want to accept responsibility for their behaviour will always blame someone else. "It's all XXX's fault!" If you are angry and expecting others to change then that is
another way to avoid facing your anger problem. The only person you can change is yourself
2.Insisting that there is only one way to do things. Your
way.
There are as many different ways of doing things and looking at the world as their are people in it. If you cannot tolerate people with different
beliefs or always have to be right then chances are you have an anger problem. Trying and force people to do things 'your' way is intimidating and only isolates the
angry person more. It's OK for people to have different opinions. It doesn't make them wrong. It just makes them different to you.
3.
Personalizing.
This occurs when you take things that happen around you personally. It may be the actions of people, organizations or even nature.
When someone does something it feels that it was a deliberate action to annoy you. People do things for their own reasons. That driver that cut you off did not get up
this morning and set out thinking how to annoy you. This type of thinking causes a lot of anger and stress. It is very unrealistic and aggressive. Learning not to take
things personally is a crucial part of anger management.
Writing down the thoughts that you have leading up to an anger outburst is the first step to changing
them. Just start noticing what thoughts you are having during the day and how you are feeling. Professional help for anger management is now available online either
as individual counseling or online classes. This can help you to identify and change your stinkin' thinkin'.
